I only take selfies when my hair looks nice, thanks for tolerating my face.
coming of age // foster the people
well, i’m bored of the game
and too tired to rage
I’m honestly not one to make MY problems other people’s problems. If someone says that I could talk to them, then I always take that opportunity. I know a good mechanism for coping is to talk it out and not bottle it up, but growing up, that’s how I’ve always dealt with it. I hate showing my emotions and my facade comes off as a happy person, because that’s what I want people to think of me. So in turn, I’m being fake as hell, but at no one’s expense; that’s just the way I like it.
I tough it out. I have such a hard outer shell because of what I’ve had to go through. People’s perception of me is what I actually want to be, that’s why I am the way I am. I escape and run away from my problems rather than face them. That’s the only reason why I graduated high school (but I managed a 3.5 GPA lol) and went straight into university right after that. It was all to escape my home life. When friends ask me to hangout, I will leave immediately. I runaway so much.
Drugs are some people’s gateways. These are my gateways.
I woke up so angry this morning I screamed. Literally, screamed. This is the first I’ve ever experienced or done something like this. I had a dream that I had to deal with my parents gambling addiction again.
In a nutshell of my dream, my grandma passed, and my parents used her death as an excuse to go out and gamble for three days straight leaving my brother and I home alone. It triggered some type of flashbulb memory because when my brother and I were younger, my parents would literally make us wait in the car or leave us at home to fend for ourselves for days at a time while they gambled. In the dream though, I was this current age that I am and I was trying to punch my mom in the face whilst yelling at her, “How could you?!” Then I woke up with a howl in cold sweat.
What the fuck is going on with my mind.
I think this is the lowest I’ve been in my entire life. I’ve been stressed, depressed, and riddled with anxiety for the past two weeks.
However, I’ve been trying to see this as a growing experience but it’s really hard. Somehow I’m still sane and I haven’t yanked my head off my shoulders. Just trying my hardest to hang on.
Man people have made fun of me for liking boys my entire life and I honestly do not care anymore.
I’m a fucking faggot. Now leave me alone.
I’ve been so stressed with people and my current situation lately that I straight up puked this morning from being so nauseous.
And people know that I don’t throw up easily, get queasy or do it at all actually.. But I’ve been feeling like such shit and it’s compromising my health.
I just have to suffer for a while.
I’m so over being an adult.
I’m just gonna watch reruns of Arrested Development and Seinfeld and avoid doing stuff.